Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize