omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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