it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
