Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
