i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
