the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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