He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
