ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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