I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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