sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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