So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
