Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize