He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found the puke drawer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
