I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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