Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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