how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
