mondays should just be called national damage control day
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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