I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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