just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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