I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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