you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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