Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
