The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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