So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
