Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
