So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
