hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
