dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
