Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
