he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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