i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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