Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
