Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
