you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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