My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
