you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
