im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
