Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize