There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
PANTIES FOUND
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
