what day is it and did you see me today?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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