I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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