dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
