8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
