I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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