I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
