sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize