STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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