the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
