She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
