Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
