dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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