if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
