make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
