Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
