i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
