Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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