He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize