If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Houston, we have a squirter
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
