i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize