I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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