I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
