I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
