I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
