Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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