it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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