Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
