Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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