Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
