can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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