vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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