I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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