Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
