i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
