Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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