had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
