My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
