I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
