I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
