I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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