It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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