you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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