I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
