Please, let me fuck your mom
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
