I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
