I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You left your phone here
Wait...
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