Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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