wrigley field is MILF paradise
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
