Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
