why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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