I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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