Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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