So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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