All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
