i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
nutella sex= disaster
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I supernannyed him into submission
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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