You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
