People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
