I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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