Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
