I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
