I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
