high people should be assigned attendants
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
