Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
