I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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