I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't deserve a penis
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
