I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
