my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
